Autism & ADHD at Home

Autism & ADHD at home

These pages are designed to help you create a home environment that supports your child’s unique brain. Whether you're navigating autism, ADHD, or both, you'll find practical strategies for reducing overwhelm, improving routines, and building connection.

Each tab focuses on specific challenges — because every child deserves to feel safe, understood, and at ease in their own space.

Meltdowns & Shutdowns

Whether you’re parenting an autistic child or working with one, understanding meltdowns is vital. Meltdowns happen when someone becomes overwhelmed by their environment, often due to sensory overload, emotional stress, or changes in routine. During a meltdown, a person may lose the ability to communicate calmly. You might see shouting, crying, hitting, or seemingly ‘out of control’ behaviour. But here’s the key thing to remember: A meltdown is not a tantrum. An autistic person is not in control of their behaviour during a meltdown. This is different from a tantrum which is when someone uses their behaviours to get their own way or express their annoyance or dissatisfaction. A meltdown has no underlying aim and is not planned. A tantrum is goal-driven (for example, trying to get a toy or avoid something), while a meltdown is a loss of control, not a strategy. The person isn't trying to get their way, they're trying to cope. What is a Shutdown? Not all meltdowns look loud or explosive. Sometimes, a person may become silent, still, or completely withdrawn. This is known as a shutdown (sometimes called a “silent meltdown”). During a shutdown, a person may: •Stop responding verbally •Avoid eye contact •Appear ‘frozen’ or unresponsive •Struggle to move or speak Inside, they may be desperate to communicate but physically unable to. A person in shut down becomes extremely still rather than outwardly aggressive. They do not respond to any kind of request and these can actually prevent the person from recovering and regaining their verbal abilities. Recovery can take hours, sometimes longer. Writing or using a communication aid may help as their ability returns. Some people also find comfort from pets during or after a shutdown. What Triggers a Meltdown? There are many possible causes. Triggers could include: •Bright lights or loud sounds •Unexpected changes •Social or emotional overload •Being asked to do something that feels impossible in that moment How to Support Someone During a Meltdown Remain calm - getting agitated and frustrated will only prolong the meltdown. The person is not in control, they are in pain and need unconditional support. ✔ Stay calm Your child is not being naughty. They are overwhelmed and not in control. They are in pain and need unconditional support. Your calm presence can help shorten the meltdown. ✔ Avoid talking too much Questions, instructions, or trying to reason can add to the overload the person is experiencing. Keep communication minimal and gentle. ✔ Prioritise safety Keep them safe from self-harm as much as possible. These acts of self-harm are to show frustration and pain they are not conscious decisions when in a meltdown. Do your best by removing harmful objects and making the environment as safe as possible. ✔ Show care, not judgment Once the meltdown passes, your child may feel tired, upset, or ashamed. Provide them with their favourite comforts and show them that they have not been judged for experiencing a meltdown. Make them feel safe again.

A tent displays as autistic safe space with a "no entry" sign, favourite toys and comfortable cushions

Safe Spaces

A safe space is a dedicated area that belongs solely to the autistic child. It’s a place where they can retreat, regulate, and feel completely secure—knowing that nothing will be moved, touched, or changed in their absence. To be truly effective, the safe space must follow a few non-negotiable rules: •Only the child uses it. •Their belongings remain exactly as they left them. •No one enters without their permission. It’s vital that everyone in the household understands and respects these boundaries. If the space feels unpredictable or is interrupted by others, it loses its sense of safety and no longer serves its purpose. Safe spaces play a powerful role in helping autistic children manage sensory input and emotional overload. Depending on the child’s individual sensory profile, their space may include calming items (like weighted blankets or soft lighting) or stimulating tools that help them feel more alert and focused. Types of Safe Spaces Safe spaces can look very different from one child to another—it all depends on their individual needs, sensory preferences, and what feels calming or comforting to them. Here are some simple ideas for creating a smaller, accessible safe space at home: •A swing chair (open or enclosed) •A hammock or hanging pod •A cosy den built under a table •A corner of a room set aside just for them •A pop-up tent or teepee •A parent’s bed or other familiar, comforting spot For children who experience more intense sensory sensitivities—especially to sound—some families may find that a more permanent solution is helpful. Even without a spare room, there are options, and funding may be available through grants or disability support services. Some ideas include: •Garden playhouses •Purpose-built sensory rooms or pods •Indoor playhouses or tents with sensory-friendly features •Converting unused spaces like under the stairs •Loft or cabin beds with enclosed spaces underneath There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What matters most is that the space meets your child’s unique needs and helps them feel calm, safe, and in control. Many autistic adults—ourselves included—still benefit from having a safe space of their own, whether that’s a bedroom, an office, or a quiet spot in the garden. The most successful safe spaces are designed with the autistic person in mind, not just for them.

Sensory Processing at home

The way an autistic person processes sensory information can shift depending on their environment, emotional state, or even what’s coming up in their day. Parents and carers play a vital role in recognising these patterns and creating surroundings that help their child feel safe, comfortable, and regulated. It’s easy to think of sensory overload happening “out there”—at school, in shops, or on noisy days out. But in reality, sensory challenges exist everywhere, including right inside our homes. Being mindful of the sensory environment at home can make a big difference to how well your child is able to manage, rest, and recharge. Here’s a breakdown of how different senses might be affected at home—and what to keep in mind: Sight This includes more than just lamps or lightbulbs. Natural light, reflections, and even the colour or clutter of a space can affect how someone feels. •Some children may feel more dysregulated on gloomy, overcast days. Others may find bright sunlight too intense. •Curtains, blackout blinds, or light-diffusing fabrics can help regulate the visual environment. •Visual clutter—like too many toys or bold patterns—may be overwhelming for some children. Sound Sound is one of the most common triggers for sensory overwhelm—and it’s not just the obvious noises. •Loud appliances like hoovers or washing machines can be distressing. •Quiet but persistent sounds (like a buzzing light or humming fridge) may go unnoticed by neurotypical people but can be painful for autistic children. •Sudden noises from siblings or pets can also be a challenge, especially if the child isn’t expecting them. Touch Our homes are filled with textures—from carpets and cushions to bedsheets and bath towels. •Some children may crave soft, silky fabrics; others might avoid certain materials completely. •Clothing tags, seams, and bedding textures may cause discomfort. •Keep in mind that touch includes food textures, too. This is often one of the main reasons for selective eating. Smell Scents can have a powerful effect—positive or negative. What smells pleasant to one person might be overwhelming to another. •Be mindful of candles, air fresheners, cleaning products, and diffusers. •Essential oils can stimulate or relax—know what you're using, especially for children with ADHD. •Cooking smells can be comforting for some but overwhelming or even nauseating for others. Taste Taste is closely tied to texture, familiarity, and routine. •Many autistic children prefer predictable foods and may need time to process new tastes. •Trying new foods might be more successful when introduced gradually, without pressure. •Respecting preferred foods can help reduce stress around mealtimes while keeping nutritional needs in mind. For more in-depth support around eating and sensory preferences, explore the dedicated food chapter in Parenting Rewired, or check out The Ultimate Teen Survival Guide for practical tips on managing food-related anxiety in autistic teens. Vestibular & Proprioceptive Senses These senses help us with balance, body awareness, and movement—and they work hard during everyday activities like bathing, sitting at the table, or simply moving around. •Showers may feel painful due to water pressure. Alternatives like instant shower gels or bath wipes can help. •Activities like swinging, jumping, or spinning can either calm or overstimulate—depending on the child. •Watch for signs of sensory overload after physical play and adjust the activity or duration accordingly. Interoception Interoception is the sense that helps us recognise internal signals—like hunger, thirst, needing the toilet, or feeling unwell. •In busy or stimulating environments, these signals can become “muted.” •Children may not realise they’re hungry, tired, or need the loo—gentle prompts can help. •Try using visual schedules or body-check cards to support awareness. Sensory processing is complex—and it’s not static. What works one day may not work the next, and that’s okay. As a parent or carer, the best thing you can do is observe with curiosity, adapt where you can, and support your child without judgment. Your home doesn’t need to be perfect—it just needs to be responsive to your child’s needs.

Stimming

Stimming—short for self-stimulatory behaviour—is a natural and essential way many autistic people regulate their emotions, manage sensory input, and process their surroundings. It can take many forms, such as hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, tapping, or repeating words or sounds. While stimming is incredibly helpful for the person doing it, it can sometimes feel distracting or disruptive for others in the household. Even so, it’s important that stimming is always respected, because it plays a key role in preventing overwhelm, meltdowns, or shutdowns. When Does Stimming Happen? Stimming can happen at any time, but it often increases: •Before or after exciting events •In moments of anxiety, stress, or uncertainty •When someone needs to self-soothe or re-centre For example, you might notice more stimming around transitions, visits from guests, or before school or bedtime. Supporting Safe Stimming It’s important that your child knows they’re allowed to stim—and that they don’t feel ashamed or punished for doing so. Encourage stimming in a designated safe space, where they won’t be interrupted or put at risk (e.g. by jumping in a busy kitchen). This not only helps them feel secure but also keeps stimming from unintentionally causing harm. Make sure everyone in the household understands: •Why stimming matters •That the safe space is for regulation, not isolation •That redirection (if ever needed) should be gentle, respectful, and positive If stimming needs to be paused for safety reasons, use calm redirection—such as guiding them to their safe space or offering an alternative activity that meets the same sensory need.

How ADHD shows up at home

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) often shows up in ways that can be confusing or frustrating in a home setting, especially if the underlying challenges aren’t fully understood. What can look like defiance, laziness, or forgetfulness is often the result of real difficulties with attention, memory, time, and emotional regulation.

By recognising how ADHD presents at home, families can respond with empathy and strategies, rather than blame or shame.

Here are some common ways ADHD may affect everyday life at home: 1. Difficulty Listening and Remembering Children with ADHD may genuinely want to follow instructions but can forget them moments later or become distracted before completing a task. 2. Messy Bedrooms Keeping a room tidy can feel overwhelming. Even after a clean-up, it often becomes cluttered again quickly due to challenges with organisation and follow-through. 3. Struggles with Punctuality Being late to meals, appointments, or social plans is common—not because they don’t care, but because time often feels abstract or “invisible” to an ADHD brain. 4. Losing Things Often Items seem to disappear—even seconds after putting them down. Bags, shoes, schoolbooks, and phones often go missing, despite best efforts to stay organised. 5. Morning Chaos Getting ready in the morning can be one of the most difficult parts of the day, with multiple steps, distractions, and emotional dysregulation all in play. 6. Time Blindness Children with ADHD often lose track of time completely. What feels like 5 minutes to them might actually be 30—and they may not notice until it causes a problem. 7. Non-stop Talking Chatter, interruptions, and difficulty with quiet time are common. This isn’t about being “rude”—it’s about impulsivity, enthusiasm, and sometimes a need to fill the silence. 8. Constant Movement You might see climbing, pacing, jumping, or running through the house—even when it’s been asked to stop. The body needs movement to regulate the brain. 9. Task Switching at the Wrong Time Getting ready for bed might suddenly become reorganising a toy box or starting a drawing. These “off-task” behaviours are a way of seeking stimulation or avoiding something overwhelming.

A person with ADHD suffers poor self esteem for failing at so many tasks. She is criticised by her own shadow.

A person lies on a bean bag with a phone, feeling bored and unhappt, showing under stimulation i a person with ADHD

Understanding these behaviours as part of the ADHD profile—rather than seeing them as disobedience—can transform the tone of home life. Support, not shame, is what leads to growth and regulation.

Many children and teens with ADHD are deeply aware that they struggle with things others find easy, and that awareness can chip away at their self-esteem. Simple daily tasks can feel like uphill battles, and the constant effort just to "keep up" can be exhausting. That’s why understanding and support matter so much. Even when goals aren’t met or routines fall apart, what matters most is knowing they are loved, accepted, and supported exactly as they are.

A child empties a huge box of toys, excited to organise them as he hasn't seen them for ages. His mum shouts froma nother room that he should be ready for school as they leave in 5 minutes.

A mum is cross at the mess an ADHD child made when they should be ready for school. The child is confused and doesn't know how they ended up with the mess and not ready on time.

How to support your ADHD child/teen at home

When your child has ADHD, home life can start to feel like an endless loop of reminders. “Have you brushed your teeth?”, “Where’s your homework?”, “Why are you reorganising your desk instead of getting dressed?”
Over time, this can take a toll on both you and your relationship with your child.

But there are ways to support them without becoming the “nagging” parent, and they often start with shifting reminders from you to tools your child can manage independently.

Here are a few tried-and-tested strategies:

1. Voice Assistants Use Alexa, Google Home, or similar devices to set scheduled voice reminders. It creates structure without you being the constant voice of instruction. 2. Phone Reminders & Shared Calendars Encourage your child to set alarms or use a shared family calendar app. This keeps everyone on the same page, without singling them out. 3. Sticky Notes with Purpose Place short, positive reminder notes in key spots like the bathroom mirror, bedroom door, or fridge. These visual prompts are quick, clear, and judgment-free. 4. Break It Down and Time It Use timers (physical or digital) to break tasks into small, manageable chunks. Start with 5–10 minutes and take breaks in between to reset. 5. Supportive Fidget Tools If movement helps your child focus, make sure they have access to fidget toys, cushions, or wobble chairs in key areas of the house. 6. Prep Clothes the Night Before Lay out clothes in order, from socks to jumper. This reduces decision fatigue and morning stress — and gives them a win to start the day. 7. Task Management Apps Explore to-do list apps with visual progress tracking. ADHD brains love feedback, so ticking off a task can be surprisingly motivating. Most importantly, keep communication open. Ask what’s working, what feels hard, and what they’d like to try. When you collaborate instead of command, you show them that their voice matters, and that they’re not doing this alone.

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