Not anti-social, just differently social.

Socialising can be confusing and exhausting for many autistic children. This doesn’t mean they’re antisocial—they're differently social. It's especially important to remember this for children without intellectual disabilities, as they can often be expected to cope better than they actually can.

Instead of pushing for conventional social milestones, focus on your child's individual capacity for connection. One meaningful friendship that aligns with their interests can be far more valuable than frequent, surface-level interactions that feel forced or uncomfortable.

Social development doesn’t have to look "typical" to be valid. For some children, that might mean parallel play, sensory-based interaction, or being around others without necessarily engaging. For others, it might look like talking about a specific interest with someone who truly gets them. And yes, some autistic children are happiest in their own company—and that’s okay too. Wanting time alone isn’t the same as being lonely.

It’s also worth knowing that some autistic children thrive when they aren’t the only neurodivergent person in the room. Community—whether in person or online—can offer a sense of belonging. Hobby clubs, special interest groups, or local groups that support neurodivergent kids might be a great place to start. But just as valid is the child who prefers a quiet, one-on-one connection or familiar faces only.

It can be helpful to teach social rules explicitly—things like why people make small talk, what certain facial expressions might mean, or how to notice when someone’s ready to end a conversation. These are things many children learn naturally, but autistic children often need a more direct approach.

And for children with intellectual disabilities, connection still matters—but it might look a little different. They may prefer small groups, sensory play, or interactions with people who understand and respect their communication style. Some find it easier to engage with peers who have a similar cognitive profile; others form rich and meaningful friendships with people who are very different from them. One of our own children, who has an intellectual disability, has two long-standing friendships with academically gifted peers—and those bonds are just as real and rewarding.

Ultimately, true inclusion means adapting to your child’s needs, not asking them to change who they are. Respect any resistance they show to socialising—it’s not a failure, it’s a communication. Meet them where they are, and remember, autistic social connection is real and valid, even when it looks different.

If your teen or tween struggles with socialising, check out our Ultimate Teen Survival Guide! With lots of practical ideas for teens to read about that can help them understand themselves and approach socialising and everyday life differently.

Autism & Anxiety: The Ultimate Teen Survival Guide

£11.99

Buy Now

Make the most of our January offer and get The Ultimate Teen Survival Guide AND our best-selling Autism and Anxiety for just £16.99! Add both to your basket, and the discount automatically applies.