Talking to family about autism

Helping family understand your autistic child can be a challenge. Whether your child has an intellectual disability or not, there’s often a lot of confusion, assumptions, and well-meaning—but unhelpful—comments.

When your child doesn’t have an intellectual disability, people might say, “But they seem so normal.” That’s because many autistic children mask their struggles. They may appear calm on the outside while battling sensory overload or anxiety inside.

Explain that autism isn’t about intelligence. It’s about how the brain is wired. Your child might excel academically and still find something like a birthday party completely overwhelming. These things can and do coexist.

Use relatable examples to paint the picture:

 “Imagine every sound is turned up to maximum volume.”

 “Think about trying to read facial expressions in a foreign language.”

It’s also important to educate about masking—when autistic people hide their traits to fit in. It can be draining and even damaging to mental health. Your child shouldn't have to perform neurotypical behaviour to be accepted by family.

When your child does have an intellectual disability too, start by separating the two conditions when explaining. Talk about autism. Then talk about intellectual disability. And then explain how they overlap in your child’s life.

Use simple, clear language:

 “They thrive with routine because change feels scary.”

 “They might not speak, but they still feel love and rejection.”

 “They learn more slowly, but they are always learning.”

If someone says, “They don’t understand anyway,” respond with compassion—but also with clarity. Your child does understand. In their own way. And they deserve connection, respect, and dignity.

Set boundaries when needed. If someone isn’t able to be kind or inclusive, it’s okay to limit access. Your child’s safety and well-being come first—always.

Celebrate your child’s wins, however small they might seem to others. Share what brings them joy. Encourage your family to look beyond the diagnosis and see the amazing human underneath.

Not everyone will understand. Some may never fully get it. But that’s not your fault—and it’s not your child’s responsibility to make others comfortable. Your job is to advocate and protect.

If you want to learn more about parenting autism, check out our published book, "Parenting Rewired", to help and support you navigate the neurotypical world for your child.

Parenting Rewired: raise a happy autistic child in a very neurotypical world

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